Bad Idea #47: August 3, 2010

I think acronyms in general are a pretty decent idea. When people ask me where I go to school, I save a lot of breath replying with the letters U and T, as opposed to having to reply "The University of Texas at Austin." Yikes. That would suck. Not to mention that it sounds a touch pretentious. I mean, think about all of those poor kids who go to Harvard, or Columbia, or Cornell or something like that, a school that can't downplay its status with an acronym. I feel so sorry for them; they are basically forced into their snobbery.

Or something like that.

The point of the acronym is to simplify things and make life easier. But have you noticed that there are some acronyms that completely defeat that purpose? In writing about Tucker Max yesterday, I was looking around his website and came across this one:

IHTSBIH = "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell"

Considering that every word in the title of his first book is one syllable, pronouncing I-H-T-S-B-I-H does nothing to cut the time off of it. Unless you use the acronym 100 times a day, it does not make it any easier to type out. You could attempt to make a word out of the acronym, but "i-hits-bih" sounds like some Yiddish expletive. The language is English, people. If it does not make a nice little three-letter word with a single vowel wedged between two consonants, making the acronym into a new word won't fly. And besides. "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" is a funny, intriguing, provocative title. We should be shouting the full title at the top of our lungs to share the glory and humor of it all.

(Sidenote* I actually heard two women in my restaurant discussing this book and giggling over the title alone. Like, extended giggles, like they thought it was absolutely hilarious. Don't rob these women of their idiotic, sorority honed giggles that they rehearsed all the way through undergrad to attract their future six-figure husband.)

This seems to be the first and only mistake on the part of Tucker Max. If that's as bad as it gets, I'd say he's doing alright.

Acronyms are a stupid idea when they are a zillion letters long, don't simplify anything, or have to be explained every single time you use them.

1) I used to be obsessed with the food network. I wanted to learn how to cook SO badly, and be this impressive. cooking. woman. I watched every show I could, gained 3 lbs during chocolate month, and for a time, was a devout fan. Luckily this phase fizzled out by age 17 or so. Rachael Ray is my kind of cook. Everything she does is quick and easy, and looks really super yummy. But I cannot watch her show. I knew that I could never watch her show after viewing only one episode.

"Now I'm just going to drizzle my skillet with a few tablespoons of EVOO- that's extra virgin olive oil-"

But she says this multiple times in one show. "EVOO- that's extra virgin olive oil." WHAT GOOD IS THE ABBREVIATION IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT EVERY TIME. Ugh, Rachael Ray. I don't know why this annoys me as DEEPLY as it does. But this little quirk of hers is a DEAL BREAKER. There will be absolutely no 30 Minute Meals for me. I cannot take it.

2) I used to be really into America's Next Top Model. I looked up to Tyra Banks, and completely idolized her for a time: she had programs for young woman, her own production company, multiple worthwhile charities, and a couple of TV shows on the side. No big. But then I heard her pull a Rachael Ray. They were at panel, discussing which 7' waif should be eliminated next. She turns to the hot ass Nigel Barker and says, "[This girl] is modeling H2T, that's 'head to toe.'"

Tyra. Wha- that was dumb.

Click.

There ends a long, 13 season love affair with America's Next Top Model.

IGTCIMBIOTLOITSAGSVDAWAHDOM.

(If you couldn't figure that one out, it's "I'm Going To Change Into My Bikini In Order To Lay Out In The Sun And Get Some Vitamin D Along With A Healthy Dose Of Melanoma.")

Julia